Fighting fairly in marriage is a vital factor to having a healthy relationship with your spouse.  All couples, have conflicts in their marriages and as much as it´s a healthy part of a relationship, keeping it from turning into a battlefield is crucial.  Here are some tips that help my spouse and me in our marriage, and maybe they can help you too.

1. Be Careful With Your Words

First of all, you should choose your words consciously.  As much as it okay to tell someone they disappointed you, remember that words at times cut deeper than knives and once spoken, can never be taken back.


2. Don’t Avoid The Issue

Walking away, or avoiding the issue altogether leaves the other spouse feeling alone, rejected and unimportant leading to even more conflict.   So be sure not to avoid the problem.


3. Focus On The Subject

Make a list of all the issues to be discussed and deal with them one at a time.  Also, tackle matters from the past that need resolving.


4. Validate Your Spouse’s Emotions

When our emotions are validated, we feel heard, loved, valued and appreciated.  In turn, this encourages us to do the same for our spouse. Hence, this can be very healing for the marriage.


5. Taking Responsibility / Accepting Responsibility

Don’t get defensive when your spouse makes you aware that you have hurt them. Accepting responsibility shows that you care and are willing to make it better next time.  As a result, your spouse will feel cherished and consequently open up more to you.


6. No Violence.

Violence is not a part of fighting fairly in marriage.  Never consider physically or verbally attacking your spouse, no matter how angry you are.  Consequently, it will only lead to resentment and more conflict.


7. Pray as a Couple.

Another critical point is to pray together as a couple.  In the midst of a struggling marriage, it’s tempting to focus on what’s wrong.   Instead, we should listen to God and ask Him for guidance.  Putting God at the center of your marriage will strengthen it.


8. Nobody is Perfect.

Never attack your spouse with any knowledge you have about them in the hope of causing them pain.  It will only lead to more reservations and kill your spouse´s trust in you.  Keep in mind that nobody in this world is perfect. We all have our weaknesses.


9. Adopt Good Listening Skills.

Excellent listening skills for married couples I believe can solve a lot of problems in relationships today.  More than anything, we human beings want to feel heard, understood and appreciated.  It’s a deep and primal need that we all have.  Therefore, if you focus on understanding your partner,  your turn to speak will come, and your partner will focus on you.


10. Offer Equal Opportunity. 

Each partner should get enough time to express his/her feelings and ideas.  As a result, each partner will feel fairly treated, and this will reduce tension during communication.


11. You Are In The Same Team.

Finally, always keep in mind that you and your partner are both on the same team.  You should, therefore, be each other’s Cheerleaders.  Even in conflict, maintain a common ground.



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